Adopting hurt children

Ten months ago I was filled with fear, not excitement, when I met the three little people who would become my children.  I had read "Can This Child Be Saved" and I knew that children adopted from foster care can be so full of hurt and rage that they spend a lifetime torturing their new family.  Would that be us?

After only three meetings, I knew that we had to either be 100% committed or we had to pull out.  Underneath the hyperactivity and stunned silence, I could see fear-filled little people who desperately needed a full commitment even while being totally incapable of giving anything back.  We went for that forth meeting.

And so our lives as adoptive parents began.  We had read just about every book on attachment and adoption.  We went to trainings. We talked to experts.  But all of that did nothing to prepare us for three little attachment-disordered children who were set on driving us crazy. And, frankly, they were pretty good at it.

To say that the last 10 months have been difficult is impossible to communicate to a person who hasn't parented an attachment-disordered child.  It's like trying to describe childbirth to someone whose never been through it.  As we have attempted to describe our lives, we've been told by well-meaning people, "normal kids do that too."  Yes, normal kids lie, but not like these kids.  Normal kids manipulate their parents, but not like these kids. Normal kids cause trouble, but not like these kids.  It's like saying that a cut finger fires pain receptors just like childbirth.  But it's just not the same.

I've read lots and learned even more as we have lived this year.  I hope to share what has helped us and to offer encouragement to those who are going through similar struggles.